Homemade Salsa So Good, I Called My Ex-Wife For the Recipe

It's a good thing I get along will with my ex, because I wanted her killer salsa recipe for a work potluck tomorrow. Thanks Bobbi. 

INGREDIENTS:

6 large roma tomatoes

1 medium yellow onion, finely chopped

3 teaspoons minced garlic

2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and diced

1/2 an Anaheim chili pepper, seeded and diced

3/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons cilantro

Before I start, here are a few tips that may help you. A word to the wise: after handling jalapenos, ALWAYS wash your hands before touching your eyes, nose, mouth or using the bathroom, or you will look like this. In my early days of cooking, I made all of these mistakes and paid DEARLY (especially with the the bathroom example).

When chopping jalapenos, I always wear latex gloves. Go ahead, call me a wimp. Say that I am weird. This is all true, but I am NOT going through that type of pain again.

After you cut your jalapeno in half, you may want to remove the seeds and the core if you don't want it to be  too hot. If you do want it hot, then just leave them in. The more seeds you leave in the hotter it will be. 

When cutting tomatoes, I always use a very good, super sharp knife. We have a very nice, razor-like Zwilling J.A. Henckels knife (at the bottom of the picture).  If you don't have something like that, a serrated knife is the next best thing. 

I always cut out the core of my tomato with a paring knife before I chop them up. 

NOW FOR THE RECIPE

This is very difficult. Are you ready? Add all the ingredients into a large bowl. 

Stir it all together. Tough huh? Actually, the hard part is all the chopping. Also, it's best if you let it sit in the fridge over night so that the flavors meld together. You can also do this in a blender to make it quick.

Homemade Yogurt Pops. As Easy As 1,2,3

I saw this on Pinterest and had to try it. 

Step one: buy the small yogurts. The ones with straight sides or with sides that are wider at the top. Do NOT buy...

the ones like this. You will never get the yogurt pop out of the container.

Step two: pierce a hole in the center of the lid with a knife.

Step three: Insert popsicle stick.

Step four: put in the freezer over night (or at least for three or so hours).

Step five: remove from freezer and take off lid. Let sit on the counter for a couple of minutes so that yogurt pop un-sticks itself from the  container. 

Pull the yogurt pop out.

Eat and enjoy.

Cheddar And Herb Biscuits: Recipe Adapted From A Long-time Farm Recipe In Montana

For this recipe, I took the buttermilk recipe that my wife grew up with on a farm in Montana, and I added a few ingredients. That's all. It's pretty simple. 

INGREDIENTS:

2 1/4 cups flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1-2 tablespoons dried parsley

6 tablespoons butter (hardened in the fridge and cut into chunks)

1 cup cheddar cheese, grated

1 cup buttermilk

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Now, in a large mixing bowl, stir together 2 1/4 cups flour, 1 tablespoon baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon garlic powder, and 1-2 tablespoons dried parsley.

Cut up 6 tablespoons butter in to small chunks and...

cut the butter into the flour mixture with a pastry blender (I recommend the one from Williams-Sonoma. It's only $10 and is well worth the money. Way better than the cheap flimsy wire ones). 

Mix in 1 cup of cheddar cheese that has been grated. 

Mix in 1 cup of buttermilk and turn it into a dough.

Flatten the dough out to about 1 inch tall and cut out with a biscuit cutter (or the top of a glass). Dip it in flour between cuttings to avoid sticking.

Place the biscuits right next to each other (this is important) in a 9 x 12 baking pan. Bake at 450 degrees for 15 to 18 minutes, until golden brown on the top. 

Eat and enjoy.

A Sordid Tale of An Execrable Beast That Ambushed My Tomato Parmesan Soup And the Magic Sap I Used to Slay This Monster

Here, I tell you an account of a meal gone sour. Fortunately, the story has a startling turn for the good, and all turned out well in the end. At least that's how I tell this sordid tale. No one quite believes me when I speak of it, for they were not present for the calamity that arose from my acerbic concoction . They only experienced the happy ending and declared this soup the best I have ever made. If they only knew the horror I had to patch in order to make it such.

The tale starts, as many of my soups do, sauteing (in two tablespoons of butter) one medium onion, diced; two celery stalks, diced; and one large carrot, diced. All was well. 

As with all good soups, I added the spices and herbs which gives it savory zest (1/4 teaspoon black pepper, 1 tablespoon dried parsley, 1 teaspoon dried parsley and 1 bay leaf).

Then I added the heart of the soup: 2-15 oz. cans of chopped tomatoes and 1-15 oz. can of chicken broth. 

Here, in this next step, is where the tale takes a slipshod pivot in the wrong direction. I read the advice of many well known "professional" chefs and decided to try finely grated parmesan cheese to add a unique flavor.

However, instead of unique flavor, I received a melted  knot of cheese that was tantamount to a viscid creature as seen in horror movies. You've seen them before. Once touched by their sticky flesh your body is attached to theirs indefinitely.

You've seen this in shows like "The Blob."

With quick wit and an amble dash, I avoided this monster by trudging on and ignoring him as my  first mistake (and throwing him, melted blob and all, into the trash). I added two cups of half and half... 

blended it with my Bamix immersion blender (the best, by the way), and stirred and...well...it tasted lurid. Nasty. Horrid. Where had I gone wrong? I panicked. Where do I turn? Where can I run? The  parmesan  blob was easy enough to put down. I just ignored him and he went away, but this monster named "Execrable Flavor" is a much grimmer opponent.  

The flavor was bland, so I raced for a can of diced tomatoes with chipotle chilies. Surly that will slay this rabid beast...no, no, no! It lives! It still lives! 

I reached into my sachel and pulled out a magic powder that has served me well in times past. "Half a teaspoon of Old Bay Seasoning should work," I thought to myself. But no. The Malod animal lived on!

Oh, what have I done?! Surly my use of  Land-O-Lakes fat-free half and half  has given this creature its power. But it has always worked in times past. A delicate balance between health and flavor. Damned be health! Damned be vibrance! Damned be robustness and stamina! What good is it with out flavor? With out essence? With out sapor? With out savor? 

There was one last chance to slay this invincible being. Deep in the forest there grows a sweet white sap on the trunk of the Philadelphia tree. It is possible that 8 oz. of this thick white syrup could end this deplorable battle. Mine was a feral ride through the forest, and on several occurrences, I was almost overtaken, but retrieved the sap and slayed the beast. 

When I returned, the welcome was the glorious. The whole kingdom declared this the best soup I have ever made, but when I told them the story I have just related to you, they balked and said there is no such monster in these parts. 

INGREDIENTS:

1 medium onion, finely chopped

1 large carrot, finely chopped (I will actually leave it out next time)

2 celery stalks, finely chopped

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1 tablespoon dried parsley

1 teaspoon dried parsley

1 bay leaf

1/2 teaspoon Old Bay Seasoning

2-15 oz. cans diced tomatoes

1-15 oz. can diced tomatoes with chipotle chilies

1-15 oz. can chicken broth (name brand is usually better)

8 oz. block of cream cheese

2 cups half and half or cream (not the low-fat or no-fat variety)

 DIRECTIONS:

1. In large pot, saute 1 medium onion, over medium heat, 1 large carrot (unless you leave it out, like I do), and 2 celery stalks, all of them finely chopped. Cook until onions are translucent.


2. Add 1/4 teaspoon black pepper, 1 tablespoon dried parsley, 1 bay leaf

1/2 teaspoon Old Bay Seasoning. Stir until combined.

3. Add 2-15 oz. cans diced tomatoes, 1-15 oz. can diced tomatoes with chipotle chilies, 1-15 oz. can chicken broth. Cook until boiling.

4. Add 1-8 oz. block of cream cheese and stir until it is melted and combined.

5. Turn off heat and stir in 2 cups half and half or cream.

6. Eat and enjoy.