Why I Chose To Pollute the Environment and Make the World A Horrible Place

Last night, as my wife and I were lying in bed, we got onto the topic of "the environment." This was, of course, because of my last post, "Where My Environmentally Crazy Neighbor's Argument Breaks Down To Pish Posh."  Anyway, we were reminiscing on the time when we bought a push mower. No, not a gas or electric mower that does not have an automatic drive. We are talking PUSH mower...like in my old photo above. We felt we would help save the environment, which we did. Our thoughts were as follows:

1. Reduce emissions and save the earth.
2. Reduce the use of fossil fuels and save the earth.
3. Save money by eliminating the need to buy gas for a mower.
4. Get more exercise and be healthy.

Well, we left out one factor in the equation...that push mowers SUCK at cutting grass. Our lawn looked like we hacked it with a machete.  And we bought the top of the line model too. We endured this for most of a summer then finally said, "Screw it!"

Lesson learned: sometimes we have to balance effectiveness with saving the earth. 

Where My Environmentally Crazy Neighbor's Argument Breaks Down To Pish Posh

 I have a neighbor who is "environmentally conscious." Scratch that. I'm environmentally conscious. He's environmentally psycho. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for saving the earth and all. I recycle. I conserve energy where I can. I ask for paper bags instead of plastic from time to time, but this guy is certifiably nuts...from being blinded by his views. 

This is my electric lawn mower. This neighbor, of whom I'm speaking, was walking by and complimented me for using an electric lawn mower and reducing pollution and the use of fossil fuels. I didn't say this out loud, but I was thinking, "What? Apparently, you haven't thought this through from beginning to end." Here is what was going on in my mind (in diagram form):

This is my electric lawn mower. That orange thing is the power cord. 

The power cord plugs into an outlet.

The outlet, via power lines, is connected to a power plant.

 Power plants are fueled by nuclear energy, dirty coal, and fossil fuels. On a good note, sometimes they are powered by moving water. In that case, his argument is solid, but...

this is our local power plant, and there is no moving water anywhere except  the bathroom inside. 

Well, before my friend finds this post and hates me, I just want to send him a little peace symbol. I'm not meaning to cut you down. After all, you are smarter than me. You have a doctorate degree, you've taught at a prestigious university, and I'm like...a nobody. BUT, I feel we should all think things through before we take a position. There! I said it.